I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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