dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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