he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
