Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
