whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
