i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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