whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
