there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
