She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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