I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
