I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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