lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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