ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
