Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
