How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
