apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
zippers are such a cool invention
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
