i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
