I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
