Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
