i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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