remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
