its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
