We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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