I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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