I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
