i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
