Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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