I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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