All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
