She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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