I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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