It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
