it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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