Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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