I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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