i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
