the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
