Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
