Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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