Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
