If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
