the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
