Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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