I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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