Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
