Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
