I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
