yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
