He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
