keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
