Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
