i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
