So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
