I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
