JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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